B.S. And A.S.S.

B.S. (Before Surgery)

A.S.S. (After Stupid Surgery)

So, when I decided to do this "after" pic with the same outfit, I thought the "before" pic was only about a year old, because I frequently get stuff like that mixed up in my head.  But then I saw the length of my hair in the first one and realized that this was our first summer in Logan, so it must have been about 2.5 years ago.  The tumor got a lot bigger in that amount of time.  In the first pic, I couldn't even feel it and I had no idea it was there.  But I now know that it must have been there since at least 2006, which is when I noticed that my belly button was off center.  It's not off center any more, and I now know that the tumor was pulling it off center.  For some reason, this is extremely amusing to me now.

OK, so I don't like my expression in the second pic.  I was squinting against the snow and posing while Shayne fiddled with the camera, and he took the pic when I wasn't ready.  Then the battery died and we were late to a thing, and we just gave up on the picture and left.  But seriously.  Can you see the difference?  Can you?  To me, I look pregnant in the first one, and in the second one I've already given birth to a bouncing 18-pound alien.

In the weeks following my surgery, I would catch Shayne staring at me and I would be all like, "Can I help you?" and he would be like, "You're so much thinner!"  And it was true.  I'm still getting used to it. Also, when we hug, we can get a lot closer.  And I can bend over without holding my breath.  And I can exercise without pain, and I want to start roller skating again, and so many, many things are different now.  I've selfishly availed myself of the services of a slew of physicians even though I knew I couldn't pay, and I feel intense remorse for that - in fairness, I told them all I couldn't pay and that I wasn't insured, and they did it anyway - but my body feels so much better that it's getting harder to feel guilty about it.  My mom, who talked to the docs while I was indisposed, told me to expect about two years to pass before I feel 100%.  I already feel a ton better, so I'm really excited about feeling my body heal even more.