Dear Disgruntled MacDonald's Breakfast Enthusiasts

Dear Disgruntled MacDonald's Breakfast Enthusiasts:

I understand how much you love some MacDonald's goodness in the morning. No, really. I do. Maybe you promise yourself that if you just get out of bed, you can have breakfast at MacDonald's. Maybe you come in with your mouth watering, yearning for your sausage or bacon or yummy, yummy hotcakes. I get it.

I want to assure you that when we switch over to the lunch menu at 10:30 am on weekdays and 11:00 am on weekends, the purpose is not to ruin your day and deprive you of what is rightfully yours. I agree that it's an outdated custom. It used to be de rigeur for diners and restaurants of all kinds to put away their breakfast ingredients and serve an entirely different menu for each meal of the day. Nowadays, with places like Denny's , IHOP, and Jack In The Box serving breakfast all day, the old way seems antiquated in the extreme.

But really, are you honestly surprised? It's always been this way at MacDonald's. When you toddled into MacDonald's, holding onto your mom's finger, and sat in a high chair to destroy parts of an egg MacMuffin, MacDonalds' menu changed over at 10:30. When you were a college student and never got to eat breakfast at MacDonald's because you couldn't get up early enough, this was still the case. Even now, when you come in at noon and ask for your food without looking at the menu, you're still too late.

I'd like to let you know that MacDonald's employees are not particularly intimidated by your anger. In fact, we rather enjoy it. It's amusing to us when you plead your case ("I really had my heart set on a MacGriddle!"), receive your firm refusal, indulge in your tantrum and then storm out in a huff. When our coworkers call us to the back of the kitchen to describe the scene you made, we will recreate your histrionics in detail, complete with hand gestures. We will mock you. We will laugh at you and comment on your stupidity, getting yourself all worked up over a MacMuffin.

If you simply cannot remember the ironclad deadline of 10:30 am, I recommend a reminder of some sort. A post it on the dashboard, or a cell phone alarm to let you know that you are too late and must go to IHOP. If you choose to come to MacDonald's any way to insult the minimum-wage-earner behind the counter and register your disapproval of our outmoded custom... well, that's your prerogative. But I want to let you know it will do no good, and to be honest? You look really funny when you're mad. Sorry, but you do. And once you're done venting your frustration, we will amuse ourselves by predicting your death by premature heart disease, brought about by a combination of your short temper and your fast food diet.

Thank you for your understanding.