31 or 32? (You Do The Math)

"How old are you?" A coworker asked recently. My mother used to try to convince to believe that people ask me this question because they think I'm acting immaturely, and the older I get the more I think she's probably right.

"Thirty-one." I replied. "Actually, thirty-two. I just recently had a birthday." That's when I realized that more time had passed than I thought, because "recently" meant six months earlier, and for that matter....was it my thirty-second birthday? Or my thirty-first?

I caught myself drifting into a dreamy contemplation of this question rather a lot over the next several days. I pondered my "system" of knowing how old I was in a certain year. I was born in July of 1979, so I was less than a year old, or zero, in 1980. In 1981, I was one year old. Then I turned two. This system is roughly accurate, and I depend on it. I can estimate that I was eleven years old during the Gulf Conflict because (I think) I remember it happening in 1991. I was seventeen when I graduated from high school, because it happened in 1997. I still had a firm grasp on my age back then. I turned eighteen a month after school ended.

It's a useful system, but imperfect. I was seventeen in 1997, but I was also eighteen for the second half of the year. So sometimes I get confused when roommates or others try to make me pinpoint my exact age at a certain time.

I was...maybe...twenty-one or twenty-two the first time I remember feeling confused about my age. A guy at Convergys asked me how old I was, and without thinking I blithely answered, "Nineteen." I thought about it for a few seconds, then corrected myself. "Ha, just kidding. I'm twenty." When I realized I was still wrong, I decided to just let it go.

But at least I could come to a satisfying conclusion after just a few seconds of contemplation. Back then, I could. But now? After days of thinking about it, I was no closer to an answer. One could argue that thirty-two years had passed between 1979 and 2011, and one would be right. But I was born halfway through the year. So, subtracting...or adding?...six months...

In the end I gave up. I concluded that since I don't feel completely comfortable being the age I am anyway, and I've proven myself utterly incapable of actually acting my age, I decided to go with the lower number. I'm thirty one, and if anyone wants to dispute it, I'll let them do the math.